Drift

Description

Lily’s best friend Jace is moving to the other side of town and they’ve no classes together. Lily wants more than friendship but he starts dating Kiara who is pretty, popular & the best at everything. Then, Lily discovers something she is good at, swimming. Lily doesn’t want Jace and Kiara to kiss! With an unusual offer from Murray, the swim team superstar, Lily has the chance to ruin the blossoming romance, but at what cost? With a warning from her mum, famous for her fortune-telling skills, to stay away from Murray, Lily has to choose to follow her heart and accept Murray’s offer or let Jace go. And, with all the ‘fishy’ things that keep happening, her complicated romantic life is just the ‘spark’ of her problems. Lily learns she’s merallo & needs to control her powers before she kills!

Length

63,800 words

About 213 pages

34 comments on “Drift

  • I thoroughly enjoyed reading Drift, never put it down for a moment, but when I reached page last, I was disappointed. Here’s why:
    The whole business of Murray and Lily being merlows (?) was touched on so lightly, it seemed not to be a driving part of the plot at all and was not even dealt with in the end: no explanation from Gwyn, for example, of just what that means, what talents come with the package, why Lily’s temperature was swinging so violently from icy to feverish, etc. They could have been Chinese or African with more effect on the plot. Here’s Lily (presumably) about to have sex with Jace — a person of a different species — and everyone (except probably Gwyn) is fine with that. Hm. I think you need to develop the sea-person angle much more thoroughly and have it central to what happens to Lily, Jace, and Murray.
    Also, the story ends abruptly without tying up loose ends. I suppose it is meant to be part I of a series, but even a series novel has to resolve major issues at the end of each installment. (I will say that I hate serial novels, especially from abroad — and this is from Britain? — because I get all into the plot and the characters and then am dropped cold and in all likelihood never get to see the conclusion, if there is one.)
    The first chapter needs work. Most first chapters need work, including my own. Once I got beyond that, the story and the reading smoothed out and led me on and on.
    I wonder why you chose Denny as the second viewpoint character. Maybe that will be clear in book II? She’s obviously an outsider to the secret of Lily’s identity, but is there more? Neither was this made clear.
    Your Anglicisms were at first surprising, but later became a charming part of the story and ceased to distract. Who would know that snow that “sticks” in north America “lays” in Great Britain? I felt like a Dane reading a book in Swedish — same language, different dialect.
    I was surprised to read of the amount of innocent time Jace and Lily spent in bed together (under the duvet) with the tacit consent of their moms, but having hosted European teenagers recently, I know that this is where northern European adolescence is today. It may seem a little racked to American readers.

  • on said:

    So far, I have only read the description, but wanted to give my initial impression before getting to the rest of the book. Based on the description, I expect to encounter a fairly tired story of a high school star-struck girl doing really stupid things to get the guy she likes. At the very end of the description, you hint at the fact that more is going on, but I needed to see that much sooner to be truly interested. And I don’t understand why her guy kissing another girl is such a big deal…you could choose a better way to share with us how intensely devoted Lily is. I will be reading more!

    • Thank you Lanet for your feedback. I shall take your thoughts into consideration with future revisions.

      I hadn’t even thought about amending the description during my edit but I shall make sure I do and look at including the paranormal aspect earlier on as you are correct in thinking that it is what makes this story different from others with a similar plot.

  • This was an interesting read, the magic element added a nice touch. One suggestion from me would be to cut out the prologue completely. The prologue was very narration heavy. It was all things that could have been shown later on rather than told up front. One thing to look out for is making sure the reader knows when the person who is speaking has changed. It was an interesting twist to have Denny’s perspective rather than the love interest’s perspective. It makes this book stand out from others, since when there are two perspectives it is almost always the two love interest perspectives. The ending was a little unsatisfying, because I would have liked to have learned more about what it means to be a ‘Merallo.’ However, I am going to guess that is because it is meant to be part of a series.

    • C.Thomas you are right in assuming it is the start of a series. I enjoyed writing it so much I had trouble condensing it to a YA length. In addition, I wrote spin off series based on other characters or creatures from the series.

      I really appreciate you taking the time to deliver feedback on my novel and your review is very useful as I have recently been looking at the usefulness of the prologue and whether it can be incorporated in or taken out altogether. Thank you.

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