Drift

(53) (27 Comments)

Lily wants to be more than best friends with Jace, but that's not the only change in this fishy tail See Full Description

Description

Lily’s best friend Jace is moving to the other side of town and they’ve no classes together. Lily wants more than friendship but he starts dating Kiara who is pretty, popular & the best at everything. Then, Lily discovers something she is good at, swimming. Lily doesn’t want Jace and Kiara to kiss! With an unusual offer from Murray, the swim team superstar, Lily has the chance to ruin the blossoming romance, but at what cost? With a warning from her mum, famous for her fortune-telling skills, to stay away from Murray, Lily has to choose to follow her heart and accept Murray’s offer or let Jace go. And, with all the ‘fishy’ things that keep happening, her complicated romantic life is just the ‘spark’ of her problems. Lily learns she’s merallo & needs to control her powers before she kills!

Length

63,800 words

About 213 pages

27 comments on “Drift

  • [deleted] on said:

    I really enjoyed reading Drift, it is sweet and interesting and leaves you with a smile in the end! Great job! Good luck with it! :)

  • [deleted] on said:

    I will read this again a bit later…I only just started the first chapter, but already, I kind of feel let down because you are telling me about Lilly, and I was sort of hoping you’d SHOW me. With a story. So…I’m loosing interest here…but I’m still intrigued with the premise, so I’ll carry on. Also…I don’t like the mention of ‘avatars’. What is this? A book about a mermaid, or about those blue creatures we see in that movie? I know. I know. Maybe I’ll pick it up again later and find out:)

  • I was hooked from start to finish!

  • [deleted] on said:

    I like that this story had such an original plot and the magic added an extra something. The ending was sweet too – understated but real and full of hope for Lily and Jace.

    It did take me a little while to get into the story and I wonder if you could have Lily joining the swim team earlier? Just an idea. I also expected Lily to be a little more shocked than she was by her mum’s revelation. I know there was a lot going on but she didn’t quite react the way I would expect someone to react to that news!

    Overall though, I enjoyed it. Good job!

  • Hi Alison,

    I finally got round to reading Drift (sorry it took so long) and it didn’t disappoint at all. It’s easily as good as many of the teen fiction books I’ve read recently and quite refreshingly different too – in a good way!

  • Hello, Volk here.
    I certainly enjoyed reading “Drift.” I certainly think it shows that you have quite a unique bit of talent.
    My two major points are: 1) Why did Lily feel the need to run? I don’t doubt that she felt there was some legitimate reason, and though I know that she felt (as any teenager has at some point) that there was some major fear, I can’t help but wondering whether I missed something, or whether it wasn’t stated quite well enough that the reader could pick up on the major emotion behind her thought of running. I here point out of course that sometimes I can’t necessarily pick up on human thought and behavior if it’s too subtle and therefore am not necessarily the most accurate judge of this, though I would recommend taking a closer look, and even having a trusted editor or proof-reader, to make certain that I, Volk, am wrong.
    2) How did Lily resolve the issues with Murray? I know of course that there was some common understanding between them, though their new friendship, in conjunction with that understanding, seemed to me to raise more questions, such as why he was the way he was. I of course would never expect a full explanation, that’s not what this novel is about. On the other hand, I would have expected of any other character to more consciously contemplate this. I know of course that she’s young, but though she is not so knowledgeable I can still see Lily at least mentioning it more.
    Too, the personality of each character makes up for the often similar characteristics of the dialogue.
    Sometimes the punctuation, especially as regards the dialogue, was difficult for me to pick out.
    My last technical detail is that the novel seemed a bit rushed. Perhaps there is some filler detail you could consider that would draw it out a bit? Obviously it’s not something that must happen, but rather a suggestion to catalog for future reference.
    Overall though, it’s my opinion that this is an excellent work. I see no major flaws that can’t be cleared up.

    • Thanks for your feedback Volk. I will certainly take your suggestions on board when I next look at editing Drift. I appreciate you taking the time to read, vote and share your thoughts.

  • Oh, one more thing I noted – somewhere around the 10% mark you talk about someone named Sam. I have no idea who Sam is.

    • Oh no, I will have to change that. Sam is Jace. Ages ago someone thought Sam was a girl because it could be short for Samantha and they thought it was a lesbian story. I then edited the whole novel to Jace. Changing Sam to Jace wasn’t as easy as using find & replace because the three letters are in lots of words (like same) so I had to do it manually. It was really difficult because I know who Sam is and can easily gloss over the fact it doesn’t say Jace. I thought I’d changed them all but… obviously not. Thank you for letting me know. I’ll hunt for those pesky Sams again.

      • I only saw it in one place. I thought that might have been the case. I’ve done name changes in stories, so I know how it goes. And my MC is a girl named Evan, but I ignored everyone who told me that was a terrible name for a girl. But see, now I’m trying to picture Jace as a Sam and it’s not working for me :-)

  • I really, really enjoyed this book. Loved it, actually. I think this is exactly the kind of book my 14-year old daughter would devour, so I’ll recommend it to her as well. You did a wonderful job bringing me into the story and I reached a point last night were it was difficult to put down and go to sleep. There are quite a few loose ends, so I hope more is coming!

    What you did really well:
    Lily’s angst is palpable. I FEEL her pain.

    There were enough funny, sweet moments to offset the darker scenes that really define what its like to be a girl that age.

    The Goonies scene brought tears to my eyes. In fact, several scenes made me tear up because you made me feel her pain.

    The plot is well structured, your characters are real and fully developed.

    Even though the love between Jace and Lily is innocent and sweet, it generated enough heat to be something less than completely innocent.

    What I think needs work:
    It needs editing. There are quite a few typos and some phrasing that doesn’t work for me.

    The Prologue was a little too vague and too long. I almost didn’t continue reading (but I’m really glad I did). The beginning didn’t really pique my interest. Maybe start with the first chapter and then sprinkle the information from the prologue in throughout the story somehow.

    Use exclamation points sparingly!

    I had to google the English school system to understand “forms”. It’s not a bad thing, necessarily, but if you’re aiming for an international audience, maybe explain it a little how it works.

    I don’t really know how old Lily and Jace are. I assumed they were starting high school, so I thought 14 or 15, but Lily was just getting her period, so I’m thinking younger, but then she talks about 13 years, but Denny mentions 14 years since Jace was born.

    Describe the school dance when they walk in. Lily mentions noticing the mistletoe, but nothing else. Put me inside that dance hall, let me know what else is there, but filter it through Lily’s mood. She’ll notice things based on how she’s feeling. So the mistletoe makes sense. She knows Jace is going to kiss Kiara, but what other decorations are there? How has it been transformed for the dance?

    When her mom tells her she’s meant to be with Murray, her reaction doesn’t seem intense enough. She loves Jace, but her mum’s just told her she’s meant to be with someone else. She should have a more immediate, visceral reaction to that.

    But really, other than the editing, this is pretty solid storytelling. I wish you the best of luck with it.

    • Wow, thank you. Your feedback is very enlightening. I shall definitely take all of your comments into consideration during the next draft. I’m glad you enjoyed it and that you feel this would be suitable for the age group. I hadn’t thought about how the school systems are different in the UK but will definitely look at trying to explain it better for the international market.

  • I thought this book was a good read. I really liked the pool scene. There are places where I think the book could be better, although that’s only my opinion. But, overall, a nice and easy read with a great story line.

    • Thanks Ellie for taking the time to read this. The pool scene is what inspired the whole story so I’d probably say that was the part of the story I enjoyed writing the most. I’m really glad you enjoyed it.

  • I remembered parts of the story that were read out to the Felixstowe Scribblers in your initial stages of writing your absorbing words. How you have built it from those early days to the resultant finality of your completed work is amazing. A nice story from start to end very well written and with flowing words. Good characters give the strength to the plot from childhood onwards,,, For a first attempt, top marks Ally. Well done.

    • Thanks so much Dave for taking the time to come and read the full manuscript. I must admit that Felixstowe Scribblers have always been supportive and encouraging with my writing and full of useful advice, opportunities and sources of information. It truly is an amazing group of diverse writers.

  • Drift is a fantastic read. I absolutely loved it. Great writing & loved reading something with a slightly different supernatural magical power rather than the norm. Thought the romance was great also, you can feel the tension brewing between a life long friend Jace who is like her first love & now the new friend Murray who wants to be more than just friends!! Can’t wait for the sequel. Well done x

    • What a lovely comment. Thanks so much for taking the time to read Drift. I’m glad you enjoyed it. I am half way through a sequel so I’ll try & get it finished as soon as possible.

  • [deleted] on said:

    Loving this. Are you modelling on the front cover?

    • Hi Bethany.

      Yeah, the photo was taken by Natalie Collins when I modelled for Model Gateway. With her permission and help from Neil Mason, they helped me turn it into a book cover.

      My dream book cover would be an underwater image but I don’t have the resources for that. When I was writing Drift I came across this image (http://www.inmagine.com/paa239/paa239000046-photo) that inspired the pool scene. I don’t know enough about copyright to buy/use it.

      Thank you for reading, voting and commenting. I will try to check out your novel in the coming days.

      Ally xx

      • [deleted] on said:

        That’s amazing. You look great on the cover, too. :) I’m not too good with copyright, either. :D Hope you enjoy my book when you come to read it xxx ;) ;) ;)

  • Amazing read so much so I read it in one day and it left me wanting more. GREAT characters that I really connected with. Can’t wait for more x

    • Thanks Natalie for your encouragement and support. I have started on a sequel but my main focus has been editing Drift (over & over) and trying to get it into the hands of a publisher. As Drift is here exclusively for 6 months, I guess it’s time to get cracking on Wipeout…

  • I read an earlier draft of this book two years ago. All I can say is ‘WOW!’ It has evolved into a wonderful story of love, faith, and a twinge of magic.

    • Thanks Mike for being there right from the start and for taking the time to read and vote for Drift. Wishing you all the best with your novels too.

  • This is a really amazing read; it’s as much about a young girl growing into a young woman as it is about her growing into her mysterious (and dangerous) power.
    For a first book, this is a wonderful piece of fiction, written in a style that’s evocative of its young heroine and helps draw the reader into her changing view of the world. Lily’s growing feelings for her best friend are almost scary – to her, as much as the reader – in their passion, but isn’t that the way with one’s first love? The fact that she is worried that her first kiss might kill him only makes the tension all the more sweet.

    I’m truly glad I read this and will eagerly read any sequels; assuming the author indulges us with them :)
    Thank you.

    • Thanks for being one of my first readers. I’ll get working on that sequel..

      Although there is another story that has been racing round my mind which I think would be a magical read but I just need to work out where to start it and who should be the main character. When I was telling my husband about the story in the cafe a lady from another table came over to confess she’d been ear wigging and really hoped I’d write the book as she wanted to read it.

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