Pick Your Fantasy Baseball Team – Literary Edition!

literary fantasy baseball

Swooners, it’s October. That means two things:

Five-minute DIY Halloween costumes (eg. write “book” across your face… get it?) and go-time for MLB teams vying for a World Series ring.

Might I note that this post (Dodgers) is definitely not (Dodgers) meant to plug (Dodgers) any specific playoff team (Dodgers). Every team is lovely.

But for those who are bored with real-life squads, you’re in luck: I’ve assembled a pair of literary sluggers, speedsters, and slingers for each baseball position—which you can mix and match as you please to formulate your own dream team. No need to know the ins and outs of the game. Just dust off your cap, trust your gut, and pass the hot dogs.


Pitcher

A. Alice Cullen, the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer

Bow to the queen of intramural vampire softball. This 115-year-old can predict the future with an enviable sixth sense. Chances are she’ll know your weak spots, so it’s better to have her on your side. Probably.

OR

B. Clove, The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Step one: Replace blade with regulation hardball. Step two: Bask in the glory that is Clove on the mound, because raw talent plus intimidation tactics equal wins, wins, and more wins.


Catcher

A. Stanley Yelnats, Holes by Louis Sachar

Squatting and rising intermittently during the entire game while wearing layers of hot, smelly gear? Who better can do this than our pal Stanley Yelnats? He spent days building leg and arm muscle in the scorching heat by digging enormous holes with what probably was a cheap-o shovel. It’s like he went to school for this.

OR

B. Brian Robeson, Hatchet by Gary Paulsen

Hey, remember that dude who got lost in the woods and survived using only a rinky-dink hatchet? No? He may be vintage, but there’s no way to discount this guy as anything other than raw athletic perfection. And his jawline would look great underneath a baseball cap. Just saying.


1st Base

A. Kristy Thomas, the Babysitter’s Club series by Ann M. Martin

You didn’t think we’d leave out Kristy, did you? She coached the Krushers and had solid hand-eye coordination. Not to mention she’s a lefty, making her the perfect first baseman. Factor in a killer softball wardrobe, and you’ve got yourself a star infielder.

OR

B. Bart Taylor, the Babysitter’s Club series by Ann M. Martin

The fact that Bart is Kristy’s sort-of boyfriend makes this all the more fun—especially considering Bart is the coach of the Krushers’ rival team, the Bashers. But hey, in the end they all become the Krashers, so no need to get too competitive here. (Just kidding. Decide or die!)


2nd Base

A. Jo March, Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Reckless? Check. Daring? Check. Jo March is pretty much fearless, and that’s the number-one requirement at second base, where runners regularly slide into your body to disrupt double plays. Think I’m exaggerating? Google “Chase Utley, Ruben Tejada.”

OR

B. Reagan Elizabeth Hillis, You Don’t Know My Name by Kristen Orlando

Speaking of which, Reagan is just as tough as Ms. March, if not more prepared for a second-base scuffle. Trained in combat from her days as a wee tot, this one would have no qualms with knocking down a baserunner or two.


Shortstop

A. Charlie St. Cloud, Charlie St. Cloud by Ben Sherwood

Tear-jerker alert: this baseball enthusiast warms up his arm each day by playing catch with his recently-deceased little brother. Let that sink in. So basically, if you don’t choose him for your roster, you’re a terrible person.

OR

B. Four, the Divergent series by Veronica Roth

Alas, if you’d rather go with the bigger, scarier choice, there’s always Tobias, AKA Four. He’s all muscle, super focused, and let’s face it—would look hot in uniform. But come on, guys. Charlie St. Cloud!


Third Base

A. Carmen Lowell, the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series by Ann Brashares

Not sure about Carmen’s defensive abilities, but she has a darn good tennis swing that she could totally modify into a winning baseball slug. I’m betting her batting average would look pretty decent on a scorecard.

OR

B. Wendy Torrance, The Shining by Stephen King

Listen, Wendy Torrance may not be your average athlete—but she accumulated a ton of practice swings while batting away her psychotic husband in a haunted hotel that one winter. Factor in that she’ll probably have the best post-game happy hour stories, and you’ve got a fun addition to any team.


Right Field

A. Olive Abroholos Elephanta, Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

High fly balls in the outfield? No problem. This kid can levitate like no other. Make sure to anchor her somehow though (rope is suggested), or else you may encounter some game delays.

OR

B. Coraline Jones, Coraline by Neil Gaiman

No one is scrappier than Ms. Coraline Jones. She repeatedly escaped the clutches of the Other Mother in a witchy fun house to save her parents, outsmarting the cleverest of villains. I’d trust her defensive strategy in nail-biter match-ups.


Center Field

A. Ralph, Lord of the Flies by William Golding

Everyone knows that the center fielder has got to have speed, speed, and more speed. And no one is speedier than Ralph, who sprinted his way past the spear-wielding Jack on Hell Island, where they were marooned as children. I’d like to think sports would be a good form of therapy for Ralph in his later years.

OR

B. Jonas, The Giver by Lois Lowry

But on the other hand, Jonas from The Giver is no amateur when it comes to running away from crazies, either. Fleeing his dystopian society—while simultaneously caring for a literal baby (true story)—Jonas has the stealth and quick-thinking necessary for fielding with the best of them.


Left Field

A. Shelby Cooper, There Will Be Lies by Nick Lake

Shelby’s a batting pro, people. Even after all of that fake-mom drama, she’s in the cages, knocking line drives left and right. She may not be a defensive star, but who cares? Just throw her in left field and let the dystopian kids do the heavy lifting. It’s worth the spot in the batting lineup.

OR

B. Katie Bell, the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling

But if you’re insisting on someone with an arm, bank on Quidditch phenom Katie Bell. Her precise Quaffle control can be applied here, and without worrying about balancing on a broomstick, she’ll probably be totally relaxed while hitting the cut-off man.


There you have it, Swooners. So tell me, who’s on your dream team?    

Author spotlight

Kelsey M.

Publicist for Swoon Reads. LA native. Not ashamed to know all things Kardashian.

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