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FRACTURED SPIRIT Lisa Gail.Green

Description

Ash is losing her mind. She sees and hears things that can't be real. Even her love for her boyfriend, Jake, lacks its old passion. Between that, a family history of schizophrenia, and Mora, the girl talking to her from inside the mirror, she's sure she's doomed to a life of pills.

Mora tempts Ash with the promise of a trade: Control of Ash's body for just one night, in return for seeing what life's like without the shadow of insanity plaguing her every thought.

Desperate , Ash accepts the trade and opens the door for Mora to take over her life permanently.

For Mora isn't a hallucination, but a spirit seeking a body. Now Ash is in a battle to reclaim her body and salvage her sanity.

But even if her muddled brain figures out how to fight back, she’ll only have one day to succeed. And who's going to believe a crazy girl?

Length

  • 73682 words
  • About 295 pages
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Swoon Index Ranking

  • Heat

    10

  • Tears

    6

  • Laughs

    6

  • Thrills

    10

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11 comments on "FRACTURED SPIRIT"

Kayla on Oct. 9, 2016, 10:56 p.m. said:

Kayla


I like the story so far but I feel like I get lost every now and then by the scenes changing so much.

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Madeline Dale on Jan. 25, 2016, 3:42 p.m. said:

Madeline Dale


So I am still reading, but I am noticing that sometimes you transition between scenes or locations but you don't give the reader a heads up. One specific example I can give you is about 22% of the way into the book (after Jake picks Ash up from Grandma's) they are in the car on second and the next she is 'curling into his arms' and he is 'rolling her onto her back'. Theses are both good scenes, but the transition isn't there. I was kind of confused and I had to go back and reread to make sure that I didn't miss anything.
The same problem shows up in scenes when Ash is with Raiq. Where they are in relation to one another and the bed or whether they are standing, sitting, or lying down changes in jumps sometimes without any flow as to how they got from point a to point b. These examples are pretty minimal though, and I really like the scenes over all and the ways that you describe ALL of the scenes in your story are great!

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Lisa Gail.Green on Jan. 25, 2016, 10:07 p.m. said:

Lisa Gail.Green


Great! Thank you.

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Madeline Dale on Jan. 23, 2016, 11:38 a.m. said:

Madeline Dale


So far I really like Ashlin. The way she talks and thinks about her schizophrenia is really interesting and a great tool for character development. I'm not sure that I trust Raiq and I definitely don't trust Mora. The only bit of criticism I have is that you have to be super careful about switching between dream and reality. It can get a little confusing and what she does and doesn't remember varies just slightly with no explanation. (ex. when the phone wakes her up how does she remember Mora's name when she says that she can only remember the smallest details of the dream world after she wakes up?). I know that convenient memory recovery is a good way to keep the plot moving, but if you could slip in a tiny bit of explanation it would help with the suspension of disbelief. Overall this is an intriguing story and I'm excited to see where it goes.

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Chen Yan Chang on Jan. 19, 2016, 12:54 a.m. said:

Chen Yan Chang


**FRACTURED SPIRIT is such a crazy (in a good way) read about a girl who thinks she’s going crazy! I like the details and descriptions you’ve provided. I love the surprises you have in the story to keep me on my toes! I also love Jake because she’s such a good guy!

**Here are some of my thoughts and suggestions as I read your story:

1. Even though I love the craziness of the first chapter, I am a bit lost in the beginning. Part of it is because the hallucinations and Mora and being an outcast have already happened and the readers are thrown into the middle of it. A part of me wants to see the initial hallucination or initial sighting of Mora or the “attempted drowning” of her friend.
2. I really love Jake in this story. He’s such a nice and good boyfriend. He’s very genuine in loving her and wanting to be there for her. While all her friends have dropped her, he’s the only one to stick by her. That’s why it’s a bit sad to see Ash cheating on him :(
3. I am a bit confused on why Ash cheats on him in the first place. She doesn’t remember in the real world and that’s fine, but she’s conscious in her dreams. So she’s aware of her actions during that time. Was it really all of Raiq’s manipulations? Were her feelings genuine? Did she feel uncertain about her relationship with Jake for Raiq to take advantage? How did Ash and Raiq’s relationship start in the first place? Did he just suddenly appear to her?
4. I feel bad for Ash and how others treat her. It’s not her fault. They don’t understand what’s going on. Even she doesn’t understand it. So Ash is a sympathetic character :(
5. Ugh, Caesar! You did a great job in making me not like him early on!
6. Tessa seems to be a good friend.
7. Ooh, the switch. Aw, she realizes too late that Jake does love her and she’s been cheating on him! She’s angry Jake’s cheating on her without him knowing he’s doing that, but she’s been cheating on him with her knowing she’s been doing that. A bit hypocritical. When she agreed to the switch, didn’t she realize Mora would sleep with Jake?
8. Ugh, Ash is still cheating on Jake by making out with Raiq. I wish she can be stronger and not do that, knowing what she knows now. (Sorry, cheating characters do make me feel ehhh.)
9. Again, ugh, Caesar!
10. I kinda want Ash, not Tess, to tell Jake the whole situation. I want to see him believing Ash.
11. I’m not convinced of the feelings between Ash and Raiq. A part of it is because he’s able to manipulate her and he’s a selfish being. He seems more obsessed than loving at times. Does Jake know the extent of Ash cheating on him with Raiq.
12. Oh, I forgot to mention this earlier. So Ash is able to astral project (I think) which makes her the ideal body to take. Why is that? What can Mora do with that ability?
13. Wow, I’m shocked by who the other kitsune is! I love it when I’m surprised!
14. How did Mora find Ash’s body in the first place to want to take it?
15. Because this is New Adult, maybe the setting could be on a college campus rather than a high school one?

**Anyways, I had a good time reading this! I’m happy there’s a happy ending because Ash deserves one! I hope my feedback can be helpful to you :)

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Lisa Gail.Green on Jan. 19, 2016, 4:55 p.m. said:

Lisa Gail.Green


Thank you! It's really cool to see your responses as you're reading. :D I appreciate you taking the time.

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M. C. Frank on Jan. 11, 2016, 7:37 a.m. said:

M. C. Frank


Wow! I've just started reading this and my mind is blown! This is such a brilliant concept for a story, and you write it so creepy and interesting... I have no words. Excellent job! Can't wait to read more... I have a feeling this is going to be one of the best books ever and I want to savor it slowly... x

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Lisa Gail.Green on Jan. 11, 2016, 4:25 p.m. said:

Lisa Gail.Green


Thank you so much!! You made my day. :D I'm glad you're enjoying it and I hope it doesn't disappoint.

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Melinda Grace on Jan. 10, 2016, 6:27 p.m. said:

Melinda Grace


Wow. This story is bananas in the best ways possible. At first I was like "what is happening?" and then I was like "oh my god, I think I might be going crazy, too." and then I was like "holy crap, this is not what I expected, but I love it." And now I feel like I just went on a crazy, awesome ride. I read this entire book in nearly one sitting. That is one of the highest compliments I can give a book.

Bravo. Great story.

People, read this book!!

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Lisa Gail.Green on Jan. 10, 2016, 7:03 p.m. said:

Lisa Gail.Green


I'm so glad you liked it!! :D I love your description. Awesome.

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