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Nightfall OnneAnne

Description

She was a slave. She may not have been born one but she ended up one. That's a discussion for another day however. Hannon was a slave- right up until she gained cosmic power from a heaven fallen Night Sky.
The situation made everyone uneasy. Hannon was ready to rule the kingdom and she rose quickly to name herself as Queen. Nobody could stand in her way, most didn't know the force of nature she had become until it was too late. She was unstoppable to all but the Night Sky. Yet even he wouldn't be able to do anything until he was able to see over the pedestal he'd placed her on.

Length

  • 68131 words
  • About 273 pages
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Swoon Index Ranking

  • Heat

  • Tears

  • Laughs

  • Thrills

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19 comments on "Nightfall"

Nick.Carey on Dec. 30, 2017, 11:05 p.m. said:

Nick.Carey


It’s original and the story is tragic. The tale of how you can only handle so many wrongs before you turn on those who wronged you and those who watched it happen

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Joshuabh on Dec. 30, 2017, 1:41 a.m. said:

Joshuabh


I love everything about it the story the characters the plot the whole story has a mystic feeling to it

To be honest this book puts a whole new meaning to amazing and there isn't any book I can compare to

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OnneAnne on Dec. 30, 2017, 4:28 a.m. said:

OnneAnne


Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it!!

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Joshuabh on Dec. 30, 2017, 1:29 a.m. said:

Joshuabh


The beginning of the story has you wondering what will happen next and it keeps you on your seat to know what will happen next I like it so far

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OnneAnne on Dec. 30, 2017, 4:29 a.m. said:

OnneAnne


Thank you, I’m glad it kept you hooked and interested!

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Nick.Carey on Dec. 29, 2017, 10:42 p.m. said:

Nick.Carey


I love the names Tirion and Faleic

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Bryan.Patrick on Dec. 9, 2017, 2:22 a.m. said:

Bryan.Patrick


Setting setting setting setting setting.
It’s difficult to visualize the world I’m reading about and why what is going on is important. I wish the setting was better described and felt more tangible.

I would have liked a more solid introduction to your main characters and who they are in the world, and why they are important.

Foreshadowing would be useful to me in the early chapters to help show me what this book is about and where it’s going. I realize the tone is kind of mysterious and ominous, but it just felt kind of vague to be honest.

I honestly think there’s potential here, and I hope this was helpful.

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James.Yarbrough on Nov. 3, 2017, 8:24 p.m. said:

James.Yarbrough


Tease the feelings out, don't have Hannon jump immediately to love. Also, maybe don't tell us faelic's origin at the beginning, make it a point of mystery perhaps.

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OnneAnne on Nov. 4, 2017, 12:15 a.m. said:

OnneAnne


I'll have to make it more clear that Hannon has been in love with him for years, thank you for the feedback! I appreciate it :)

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Azrael on Oct. 30, 2017, 1:36 a.m. said:

Azrael


I've already hit several points where I'd normally quit. The portrayed emotions feel stilted, dialogue feels unnatural and slanted for a less than nuanced and convenient good/evil dichotomy, and to be honest, before I can even make an emotional connection with your character I'm already slammed with the whiplash of a near rape scene and a physical injury. There's also the trouble with the pacing and sentence structure coupled with details being to sparse to set the setting and more detail in one characters sparkles then is devoted to the rest of the floating heads. For all that though you have promise. Writing is an art-form, and just like Michelangelo didn't start with painting the Sistine chapel neither is this your magnum opus. Keep developing your trade and make note of what other authors get right, and what they don't, and you'll be a pro in no time.

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