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On The Fence Regina Brownell

Description

All 17 year old Ashlyn wants is for her parents to get along, and to be a normal teenager. Her life changes when she drops out of school to work and help her family. Then it all comes crashing down when her father walks out. The only thing keeping her going is the mysterious new boy next door. Mysterious, because they have never come face to face, and she plans to keep it that way as long as she can. Afraid that he might walk away due to a scar across her face, she wonders if she can go out of her comfort zone and finally meet the guy she might be falling for.

Length

  • 50700 words
  • About 203 pages
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9 comments on "On The Fence"

Tani Hanes on April 20, 2017, 3:07 p.m. said:

Tani Hanes


I'm afraid I couldn't get very far into this book. There were simply too many editorial problems. There were issues with run-on sentences, misplaced commas, and tense changes within the first few pages. I would recommend a serious makeover with an editor to address these issues before submitting to readers.

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Cynthia Philp on Dec. 11, 2016, 12:37 p.m. said:

Cynthia Philp


A nice main character, I liked following her story. Very sweet ending. Interesting family story. My only suggestion would be to work on the sentence structure and grammar for the story and dialogue.

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Cynthia Philp on Dec. 11, 2016, 10:32 a.m. said:

Cynthia Philp


The main character is in an interesting situation and I look forward to seeing how this ends. The grammar/dialogue could use some editing for flow and to make it a touch more natural sounding.

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Nadine on Oct. 11, 2016, 10:16 p.m. said:

Nadine


This was cute. I love the idea you had.
The way you wrote 'I will. . .' In all your sentances instead of 'I'll' seemed really intense though, and it didnt really feel like a teenager talking.

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Regina Brownell on Oct. 13, 2016, 4:19 p.m. said:

Regina Brownell


thanks for reading, will definitely keep that in mind

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Georgia.Leaker on Oct. 11, 2016, 4:07 a.m. said:

Georgia.Leaker


Chapter three notes: Wa-la? I think you mean Voila. Also, you write like a journalist not like a novelist. Journalists state facts, you need to tell the story through feelings and by describing what is happening around the character. It's ok - a lot of first time novelists do this (one very popular Australian author I know said her editor said her first draft read like a news piece because of her news background).

You also write about Cluck Cluck like it's a press release for the company and not what your character feels about working there. Again, think about what your character would be thinking about her workplace generally, rather than having to tell someone everything about the workplace.

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Regina Brownell on Oct. 13, 2016, 4:14 p.m. said:

Regina Brownell


thank you for reading and for your advice :) that's really what i was looking for was critique so the next story i write can be better :) this was the first story i have ever completed, took 5 years lol. I guess that's what i get for going to school for mass communications and journalism lol. thank you again i appreciate the advice :)

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Bre Pendergrass on Oct. 10, 2016, 6:48 p.m. said:

Bre Pendergrass


I like the premise of spilling secrets to an unknown boy. There were some sentences that needed better structuring and some dialogue that didn't sound realistic enough for my taste.

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Regina Brownell on Oct. 13, 2016, 4:17 p.m. said:

Regina Brownell


Thank you for reading i appreciate the feedback, this was my first time completing a story and am taking all the critiques to make my next story better :)

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