Share this Manuscript

Riddled. Aladea

Description

Vincent is someone who knows none of the vices of society. He escapes his house, or the house that he was caged in, to try and find out who he is. Everybody always told him that he had 'the disease', and that he had a red X-Ray, but nobody knew anything about it. People are scared of him, they call him dangerous, and he has no contact with the outside world, until he meets Aurore, who will introduce him to love. He will keep searching for clues that guide him, but he will have to lose loved ones along the way. Ansel will try and do everything to keep him away, because there can never be two dominant brains.

Length

  • 44230 words
  • About 177 pages
Report Manuscript

Please provide as much detail as possible (e.g. page numbers, phrases, etc.) to help our team identify issues.

User Rating

Login to read and rate this book.

Swoon Index Ranking

  • Heat

    7

  • Tears

    7

  • Laughs

    6

  • Thrills

    7

Report comment

134 comments on "Riddled."

Georgia Keyes on Oct. 1, 2017, 12:32 p.m. said:

Georgia Keyes


I really liked the concept and parts of it were really well-written! The inconsistent POV made it really hard for me to keep up with the story and connect with the characters though.

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Georgia Keyes on Sept. 30, 2017, 6:03 p.m. said:

Georgia Keyes


The concept is very interesting and engaging and I really want to know what's going on!
I am getting a little confused by the shifting points of view--the author seems to keep changing to tell the story from the POV of every different character and it's hard to follow. Maybe sticking to one or two characters for third person limited POVs or just using third person omniscient would help you here. Or if you are really stuck on using all these different perspectives, maybe blatantly state whose POV you are telling the scene from (like the character's name in italics at the beginning of each scene)
This also makes it harder for me to connect to the characters because it seems like every time I start to get comfortable with the perspective, the scene switches and puts me in someone else's head.

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Aladea on Oct. 1, 2017, 3:47 a.m. said:

Aladea


have you finished the book?

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Fay Voss on Sept. 17, 2017, 11:26 p.m. said:

Fay Voss


After reading through the whole thing it became apparent that I don't know what genre this is supposed to be. Sometimes it feels like a contemporary love story, other times it feels like a thriller, and other times it feels like something scifi. Maybe if it were longer, more developed on the level of plot structure, it might be easier to tell.

I feel like Vincent and a few of the other characters have a lot of potential, but the fact that things happen so fast and jump around makes it hard to see that potential. A lot of the things that went down sort of felt like cop-outs, or at the very least felt like there wasn't a consistent progression from cause to effect. There's a lack of consequence, if that makes sense. And I wasn't really feeling the love story.

I kind of liked the whole brain melting plot thing, but I'd by lying if I said it weren't confusing. I think this just needs a lot of revision before it shines.

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Aladea on Sept. 20, 2017, 1:27 p.m. said:

Aladea


I wrote this in a week and a half and I'm sure if I spent more time on it it really could be something, well, breathtaking. do you think there's potential? and if swoon reads don't publish me someone else will?

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Fay Voss on Sept. 20, 2017, 1:46 p.m. said:

Fay Voss


There's potential, but it's in snippets. The good ideas would jump out every now and then--the attention to detail about the artwork, Vincent's character development and introspection, words of wisdom from supporting characters, certain scenes where the thrills hinted at a larger mystery--but as it's currently written it's messy. I feel like there are two or three stories here that would fare better if they were written separately.

The thriller (dystopian?) plot about the brain-melting.

Vincent's personal development, which at the moment seems like a commentary on the world at large rather than in cohesion with the thriller plot.

The love story, which was personally what I found the most lacking. It moved too quickly.

But my point is that yes, there is potential, but it's buried under too much happening at once, too many ideas. It's... a problem of conflicting themes, if that makes sense?

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Aladea on Sept. 20, 2017, 1:55 p.m. said:

Aladea


okay thank you, do you know any publishers? and I will work on it and thank you

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Fay Voss on Sept. 20, 2017, 3:55 p.m. said:

Fay Voss


I don't personally know any publishers, but I wish you luck with your writing!

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Fay Voss on Sept. 17, 2017, 1:39 p.m. said:

Fay Voss


So far this is very fast-paced, and the story suffers for it. There's a lot going on, and plenty could be slowed down and shown with scene rather than summary. The other thing is that a lot of the narration feels more like a manifesto than a story.

While I do find the actual perspectives of the characters interesting, I'd like it a lot more if as a reader I was allowed to slow down and breathe. Even the scenes that are actual scenes (as opposed to summary) are quick-quick-quick, and it's difficult to hold all this information in my head without more concrete details to attach them to.

I get the sense of a greater plot, which is good, and I like that tidbits about fine art are woven into the story. The dialogue has picked up since the beginning, which is another good thing, but sometimes still feels a little stilted. At times the characters seem more like mouthpieces than individuals, and at other times they feel fully fleshed out.

This one is difficult to judge. I feel like with some more revisions it could be a fantastic read. But at the moment it's kind of beating me over the head with a bunch of messages at once.

I will say I am intrigued about the characters.

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Welly on Aug. 22, 2017, 1:12 p.m. said:

Welly


I loved it. It was breathtaking, truly amazing.

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

1 2 3 ... 12 13 14 >

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.