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Something New Andrea Murray

Description

Seventeen-year-old Ria Gabriel always maintains control. Her life is predictable and organized, just the way she likes it, but receiving a gift from a mysterious stranger turns her life into a living nightmare.

Her once orderly days plunge into chaos when she begins to see haunting blue eyes in her mirror and hear a voice pleading for her help. Ria is hunted by visions of a girl, begging for release from her tormented past, but the more she sees, the more she questions the spirit’s real motivation as the vengeful apparition reaches into Ria’s very reality.

As her life explodes, she doesn’t know how to appease the spirit, and the more she denies the ghostly girl, the more the girl’s torture becomes Ria’s own.

Ria must unravel the mystery of her spirit girl’s tainted past before Ria herself joins her.

Length

  • 62809 words
  • About 251 pages
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Swoon Index Ranking

  • Heat

  • Tears

    4

  • Laughs

    6

  • Thrills

    10

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32 comments on "Something New"

Aviar.Savijon on Nov. 12, 2017, 2:46 p.m. said:

Aviar.Savijon


interesting

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Andrea Murray on Nov. 12, 2017, 9:37 p.m. said:

Andrea Murray


Thank you

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David Patneaude on Oct. 18, 2017, 6:01 p.m. said:

David Patneaude


I've been a fan of spooky stories most of my life, so I thought I'd give SOMETHING NEW a try. And I liked it. The author did a nice job of creating a likeable protagonist and putting her in situations filled with conflict that required her to take action. And she let her main character try to do it on her own, at least for a while. With little help from adults (or pretty much anyone else), she dealt with disturbing, otherworldly happenings, attempting to make some sense out of them and get herself out of the clutches of evil forces. The first-person narrative was somewhat reassuring (she must've survived, unless she's telling her story from the spirit world), and yet I was engaged enough to keep reading to the end to find out how all the possibilities shook out.

How could the story be improved? The author's acknowledgments point out that the manuscript went through several beta readers, and that's good. It's difficult to be your own editor. But there are still some relatively minor things that tripped me up and got me thinking about style: stuff like spelling and usage and syntax and tense and vocabulary, rather than the story itself. I'm not going to make a list, but there's a lot of description of characters, long after they've been introduced and described once (which is all a reader really needs). I'd suggest doing a word search for "curl" or "curls" and see how many hits occur. Also a bunch of eye descriptions show up in the story. Also, a present participle can be used to introduce a sentence, but it feels nonsensical when the action in the participle is linked with another action that couldn't possibly be happening simultaneously. At the 63% mark the author has her, "Tossing my bag to the floor, I went to my desk and pulled my laptop..." and at 98%, "Yanking it out..." At the 70% point, there's a paragraph beginning "How could I..." in which there are some tense switches. I think it would help to get the tenses consistent there. A small thing, but one editors might stumble over: At one point the word stationary (remaining in one spot) shows up, when what is needed is stationery (writing paper). Picky stuff, sure, but you don't want readers (especially agents and editors) noticing the weeds and not all the pretty flowers.

A couple of bigger-picture items. I know there's a case made, eventually, for why she didn't take off the necklace, but I think it comes a little late and it's a little weak. I wouldn't want that thing around my neck! The other thing is Dad. We don't want parents in the picture very much, but he seems almost nonexistent after he's first introduced. I think he should at least make a cameo appearance a little more often.

The story, though, has a lot of potential, and it wouldn't take that much to reach it. The author needs to keep working at it.

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Andrea Murray on Oct. 20, 2017, 11 p.m. said:

Andrea Murray


Thank you, David. I really appreciate the feedback and will definitely internalize your comments. I appreciate the time you took to detail all of your thoughts.

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David Patneaude on Oct. 9, 2017, 12:14 p.m. said:

David Patneaude


I enjoy creepy stuff, so the blurb attracted me, and so far the narrative is keeping me engaged. The shop full of items with histories feels authentic. I want to keep reading.

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Andrea Murray on Oct. 14, 2017, 7:20 p.m. said:

Andrea Murray


Thanks, David!

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Jennifer Bellevue on Oct. 3, 2017, 1:39 p.m. said:

Jennifer Bellevue


I'm just about to start chapter fifteen but I've really enjoyed what I've read so far. Your characters are very easy to picture and felt like real people. I think the pacing of what I have read so far is good too. You've weaved a complicated web so far and I like how little things such as the dog's reaction and the broken clasp of the necklace are hinting at something more sinister to come.

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Andrea Murray on Oct. 5, 2017, 8:27 p.m. said:

Andrea Murray


Thank you, Jennifer. I'm glad you're enjoying it! I wanted to keep people guessing.

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Cassie Rose on Oct. 1, 2017, 9:06 a.m. said:

Cassie Rose


This book was really good! I'm just starting to read more horror/scary books, and I think this was a good one to ease me in. It was spooky without making me disturbed, which I liked. I also think the characters were well rounded out, and I liked that Ria had a family that was involved with her and not the typical YA absentee family. I liked that this was not a romance book, which was refreshing. I also liked the ghost dreams, and how they evolved. My suggestion for improvement would be to maybe up the paranormal throughout the book. Sometimes I'd get impatient for something unnatural to happen, because there was a lot of just normal ACT prep or friend talk going on. Nothing wrong with having those in there, to contrast with the ghost weirdness, but I just felt like a lot more could have been done with the paranormal aspect. But overall, I think you did great in this genre and that it was spooky and very well written. Good job!

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Andrea Murray on Oct. 5, 2017, 8:28 p.m. said:

Andrea Murray


Thank you, Cassie. I really appreciate the feedback. This is my first horror/thriller attempt, and I need all of the advice I can get!

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